Book Preview

Chapter 1

The lights were flashing so vibrantly.

At first I couldn’t tell if it was one car or had he already called for back up.

“Fuck” I said in my head as I seen “Grandma 👵🏾” on my screen.

I looked over at Mac & he shook his head telling me not to answer.

I didn’t want to worry her.

If she knew I was out somewhere getting caught up in some bullshit, it would probably send her right back to the hospital and I definitely didn’t want that.

I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. All I could think about was how I had just threw my whole life away.

It was just a matter of time before the cops came to the car.

I squeeze Mac hands and told him I loved him.

Cause this might be the last time we see each other free.

6 months earlier

“ Bae I know you don’t like breakfast food, but you sure you don’t want me to fix you an egg and bologna sandwich before you get out” I yelled from the kitchen.

Mac replied “no bae. I told you I’m good”. Mac hated breakfast.

I would still make sure he had his OJ in the morning tho.

“I’m gone bae, come give me a kiss” he said as he walked over to me.

I kissed him and my heart melted. We had been together for a year and I still got butterflies when he touched me like I did when we first started talking.

I hugged him so tight getting a whiff of his “Gucci guilty”.

I told him I loved him and watched him walk out to the driveway.

He was long gone and I caught myself stuck in a daze just daydreaming.

I love that man.

And we made a promise from the beginning no matter what terms we were on when he left from around me he would give me a kiss and tell me he loved me.

I hated to think negatively but we both knew that one day he might not make it back to me.

And that’s the harsh reality that came with this life we live.

I’ve never vibed with anyone like I vibed with Mac.

I had been in serious relationships but never like this.

With Mac he was all I had.

My parents stayed out of state & it was times I felt like I was here on my own.

I mean I got sisters and stuff but we all do our own thing.

But on a daily basis it was just me & Mac.

If you seen us out, you wouldn’t even be able to tell that we were too completely different ppl.

Im such a reserve person but it’s something about him that brings out parts of me that I never knew I had in me.

Me & Mac grew up in the same area. But unlike Mac I never came outside.

My mommy and granny didn’t play that.

I know some kids couldn’t be out when the street lights came on.

I don’t even know if I’ve ever seen a damn street light.

They figured it was their way of protecting me from the dangers outside.

But somehow I still found a way to it.

As I made my way back to the kitchen, I heard a ping from Mac’s phone.

I never touched his phone tho.

Not that I couldn’t, but because I was scared of every finding out that my baby had anybody else like he had me.

I would tell myself “as long as he don’t act different toward me and take care of home then I’m not worried”.

I watched the phone go from lit up to dim. I went in the room to grab my phone out my purse.

I hit the contact for “Butterfly, Butterfly”.

I never called his trap unless it was an emergency. He picked up “Hey love”, my heart melted.

“You left your phone daddy. I was just tryna catch you before you got too far.”

I heard him mumble “shit” before he responded saying “okay bae, Im finna pull back up”.

Before I could hang up , my granny was calling on the other line.

My granny is my heart.

I know some people have mommy & daddies. I had mommy and granny.

It was part of our daily routine to talk. I answered “hey ma” and of course she was calling just to ramble on about whatever they had on sale this week. I don’t even like shopping but I always just listen.

My gma wasn’t really the conversation type so if she had something to say you better damn well listen.

Somehow our conversation had went on for an hour before I knew it. Our call was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Thinking it was Mac I tell my granny Ima give her a call back. I fix my hair & straighten myself up because I never know what kind of mood Mac in.

He might walk in with it whipped out & be ready for action. We were freaky for each other like that.

Another spark that kept our relationship interesting. Just the thought of it had me smiling like a fat kid on ice cream day at school.

That smile quickly went away when I opened the door and realized it was Lisha at the door. “Bitch, I been out here 5 minutes what were you doing” she screamed.

Lisha was my best friend. I laughed and said “bitch what did I tell you about showing up at my house unannounced, you gone pop up one day and gone see some shit you don’t wanna see” Lisha made a face of disgust and said “bitch I don’t know what Mac did to you but bby you just done got out of control”.

When she said his name I realized that he hadn’t pulled back up yet for his phone.

Lisha came in our 3 story condo and shut the door behind herself. She had the weed already out in her hand so I knew what she came for. Smoke session.

I would have told her to get comfortable but she was no guest to our home. She damn near lived with us. Me and Lisha had been friends since the 8th grade. When were in school and shit got rough at home we would live with each other. She like one of the only people who know the real me. We had a bond like sisters. Even my sisters called her “sis”.

I walked over towards the kitchen to see what kind of snacks we had, because I knew once we got high we were going to have the munchies.

As I was walked over Mac phone pinged again. This time when it pinged I was right by it & I couldn’t help but glance at the screen.

He had several texts on the screen but one stood out. It was an unsaved number and the message read “bae call me ASAP” my heart crumbled and I lost wind in my chest…

Chapter 2

“Kristen, Kristen” Lisha screams, snapping me back to reality. “What?” I snapped at her. I turned and glanced at her to see she was passing me the blunt. I grabbed it.

“Damn bih you was zoned out over there.” She teased. “Girl I was thinking about something my gma told me on the phone before you got here” I quickly lied to cover up my displacement after seeing that text on Mac phone.

Although Lisha was my best friend, it’s a lot of stuff that me & her didn’t talk about. This situation would be one of them. I kept people out me and Mac business.

I wanted to call Mac and see what the hold up was, like why he hadn’t came and got his phone yet. I got my phone and shot him a text that read “baby what happened to you pulling up”. I figured I’d rather text then to call and have Lisha in my business.

“You want some cookies Lisha? I’m Finna bake some” I asked her. Remembering that was the reason for me even going into the kitchen.

“It don’t matter” she replied back to me.

I reached in the fridge & pulled out my favorite cookies to bake. I loved the holiday sugar cookies. The ones with the picture on them. Since it was close to Valentines’ day, they had little hearts on them. I put the cookies in the oven, then grabbed my phone to play pandora.

Anything to keep my mind off this unsaved number.

The crazy side of me wanted to put the number in Facebook search to see who the bitch was. The more I thought about it, the less crazy it seemed.

“Fuck it” I thought as I searched the number in my search bar. I was good with numbers. All I had to do was see a number one time & id have it down packed. I learned that from being with Mac. He was always so good with numbers. He was like a human calculator.

“We couldn’t find anything to show for 251-555-5665” is the message that showed up on the screen after searching it through Facebook. “Shit” I mumbled, but I was kind of relieved because I don’t know if I was ready to see who she was.

I put my phone down and just said fuck it. I’ll just take it up with him when I see him. “Loyalty” by Money Man came on Pandora and me & Lisha both started rapping it like we were at his concert or some. That was our song. I was kind of tickled in the inside because the song loyalty came on right after I had just seen some disloyal ass shit in Mac phone.

“Oh shit, the cookies”, I said as I ran to the oven to get them out. Snap back Kristen. Lucky they weren’t burnt.

Me & Lisha finished the blunt we were smoking & sat at the bar in my condo rambling about the Boosie concert that was coming up in the next few weeks. She connected her phone to the tv and started showing me the outfit she had ordered.

As she was going through the images on my television screen, I couldn’t help but look around and admire how nice me & Mac home was. We worked hard for this. When we first got together we didn’t have much, but we promised each other that we would get it together.

“Girl it’s almost 3, I gotta go & get Zion from school, I’ll call to see what you doing later” Lisha said as she gather up her belongings. “I love you Lisha,” I told her. “I love you too sis” she said as she hugged me before leaving.

I was left back alone in my home & still no sign of Mac anywhere. My stomach started to ball up. I know it came from me being nervous worrying about Mac. I went & picked up my phone to call & see where tf he was. The phone rung twice & went to voicemail. Wtf! Let me call again. I called “Butterfly Butterfly” again. This time it didn’t ring. It just went straight to voicemail.

I got sick instantly. I hate this feeling. This wasn’t like Mac. I don’t care what he was out doing he always answered. I always respected him for that.

Maybe I need to go stop by the shop to see what’s going on. But damn, I don’t want to risk the chance of him coming here & I miss him.


Let me just wait like 10 more minutes and then I’ll go see what’s going on. These had to be the longest 10 minutes of my life.

I kept looking at my phone. I attempted to call 3 more times with no answer. Something has to be wrong, I can feel it. Fuck it. I grabbed my purse and my phone. Locked the house up & walked out to the driveway to my all black Range Rover. I took a deep breath.

I didn’t know wtf was going on but I was already prepared for the worst.

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